How to Take Care of Yourself When You’re Feeling Down

We all have those days. You know the kind — when we’re struggling with a mood and we just can’t seem to shake it. In my own experience and in my practice with clients, I notice two tendencies: 1. We just push through and completely ignore how we’re feeling, refusing to acknowledge our inner experience; or 2. We become so overwhelmed and identified with our emotions, we think we’ll always feel this way. Do you tend towards one or the other? In either case, here’s a practice to support yourself when you’re in a mood.

1. Name your emotions

First, name the emotion(s) you’re feeling. Are you feeling sad? Upset? Disappointed? Scared? Angry? This might seem very basic, but sometimes just naming an emotion can help us to feel a little less identified with the emotion, while still acknowledging its presence.

2. Allow yourself to feel your feelings

If you’re feeling sad, let it be okay that you’re feeling sad. If you’re feeling afraid, let that be okay, too. We’re not trying to change anything at this stage. We’re giving ourselves permission to be where we are and to feel what we’re feeling. Often, when we’re feeling an unpleasant emotion, our typical reaction can be a desire to push away the emotion – to not feel that way anymore. But that tends to just compound the feeling. By allowing ourselves to truly feel the emotion, we may feel some relief, or a shift in the emotional tone. 

3. Sense where the emotion is in your body and breathe

Do you feel the emotion in your body? Where is it? If you can locate the emotion in your body, try breathing a few deep breaths into that place. Again, we’re not trying to hustle the emotion out of there – we’re giving it caring attention, gently breathing into it.  

4. Ask: What does this emotion want to tell me? What is this emotion really about?

Ask yourself these questions out loud and see what answers pop into your mind. You can also take a few minutes to write stream-of-consciousness about it. Sometimes we think we’re upset about one thing, but it’s really about another thing. Sometimes we may not even know what the emotion is about – and that’s okay, too. Just ask and see what comes up for you.  

5. Do something caring for yourself

This could be any small act of care towards yourself, such as taking a few minutes to stretch, watching a favorite movie, reaching out to a friend, or making yourself a nourishing meal.

6. Notice how you’re feeling now, and repeat as needed
How did that go for you? What was it like to really attend to your emotions in this way? If you found this practice useful, feel free to repeat it as needed. Being human means we’ll continue to experience difficult emotions from time to time — maybe even a lot of the time. It’s not easy — but the more we practice, the better we’ll get at navigating the storms when they come.

(Note: this article is loosely based on Tara Brach’s RAIN practice method, with a few embellishments.)

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